A little space for the greatest person in the world –> hahaha

Things just never go according to the plan, this is what usually happen on me. Despite of that, I still manage to survive at the end every time. Hopefully this time as well.

All I want to know is, what’s wrong with me? I’m not mad at myself because it will only bring me down. I just blame myself for taking the first spot, damn!! Why is it so hard to accept that?

Ya right, I am damn sad right now. I just don’t know how to explain or even express how I feel right now. Is it the way I need to struggle through for the relationship I want? I just can’t stop questioning myself, for doubt, for confusion.

If it is really that easy for you to say give up, I would rather choose to ignore everything at the first place. It just too late for me already to ignore everything, it is too difficult for me to give up as well.

Never mind, I guess I’m just too tired to think about it. Well, just let me sleep …

After a long time of thinking the reason that buried my motivation, there is still no solution until I come back here again. The solution for a problem is always appear from the place where it begun.

I read back again the previous post, and I still wonder from where the world I can get those ideas to write. My dreams? Where are them? Perhaps I think too much every time and that makes me become more tired and well .. tired. Is this the real symptom for losing my motivation?

What else I want to chase for? The pathetic marks? It just 2 year plus of life in Miri, I still have few more years to go. Don’t fall that quick la.

I’m walking on my path without a proper direction now, I’m lost in this giant maze. But still, I try to keep going to search for the light in the dark. Perhaps I can’t just stay and wait for the light to come.

Cheers for my day, don’t think much la, just do it, must used to impromptu .. hehehe

ah ha .. i’m challenging myself again this time.. why ? why ? why ?? … i am pushing myself to a lot of activities again n again … am i used to this already ?? feel like i have too much time to spend … oh well .. guess i really need to think twice n learn to free myself from a packed schedule …

but … i don’t really wan to list out wat am i worrying now … it is the same thing also .. juz a different type … finally i heard someone telling me this … am i really desperate to find a love one ?? honestly speaking .. i really lost the feeling and motivation to find myself a love one … not b’cos of failure … i can’t really figure out the exact reason for it

from whr the world i’m spending my effort with full of commitment to push myself to the peak ?? for suffering ?? or gaining experience to enhance myself .. my life is all abt working .. sometimes .. i really step back n stop for a while .. to think … wat will i spending my time on if my life without these whole lots of work … gals ?? gaming ?? or drink ?? haha …

is that the only secondary path i can pick?? so far .. my ans is yes .. isn’t that our life is too simple ?? think from the other side .. r the gals also desperate to have a bf also ?? haha .. finally i heard a positive ans from the opposite side .. since this groups r having the same thought … i believe that will be someone having the same thought with me also .. why so rush .. i should be able to get one at the end .. thats y .. i pray hard with the well of hope

so .. don’t curse me for not having a gf in the future .. hahha .. if i really want to have one now .. i’m doubting abt my commitment on her … sigh ….. nvm .. now juz focus on wat i suppose to do .. in the future .. i promise i will not make my love one hv any doubt on me

yello for my blog … how r u ?? long time no update anything on u ler .. hehe ..

so wat’s abt 2008? wat i can say is .. it is another great year for me .. how great ?? lucky + challenging yet enjoyable momment .. first thing first .. one of my objective for the year … project lankayan .. finally .. my dream comes true eh .. hehe … i hv my great vacation at last ..

sit back n think for a long time .. wat friends really mean to me ?? perhaps i’m not really a good friend for my friend … y ?? don’t know .. maybe i not really know wat happen to them .. perhaps .. wat am i trying to say is .. i might not notice ur problem all the time .. but if my friend really need help from me .. i will always be thr .. but juz .. i’m not a good person to talk with .. –> with a big haizzz ..

getting older now .. time really fast than i can imagine .. especially when u r doing nth .. or doing a lot of thing .. –> ahh .. watever … can’t really imagine my future now .. hehe .. when is my time to get a gal ler ?? hehe … kinda worry now … haha  … maybe i juz need a close friend … haizz .. i wish i can really study abt psychology … to be more understand abt oneself .. now i’m still playing under the maze … not confusing .. but difficult ..

target for year 2009 ?? emm .. will do it on chinese new yr .. hehe .. hvn’t think of it .. wish everyone happy new yr .. another great yr with great future …

oh … i’m really think deeply abt myself these few days … wat happen ler ?? no idea …maybe it seems i change a lot now … if compare to my high sch time.. but still i don’t think so …. i still tat "me" .. no differences .. juz tat i changed to suit into a new environment far from home …

i used to enjoy sports .. now still but juz the time not really allow me to do so .. plus … wait until i get a car la .. ishh … haha … now wat i enjoy most ?? dancing of course … my dream is to perform a modern dance on stage … tat’s a lot of fun n also considered as sport ya?? enjoy the music as well ….i’m not trying to do my job .. i’m juz enjoying my life .. n tat’s the way i enjoy … hehe .. btw .. i performed again on the stage for a minutes plus for curtin carnival opening ceremony …

oh … some ppl think i’m too stress .. some think i’m very serious for the given task … some think i study all the time … so wat is my ans ?? haha … don’t simply say if u don’t know me …i taking seriously for every given task … i pay my effort on it .. tat’s how i do the job … if u r not taking it seriously .. why u wan to do it then ?? wat u expect to get at the end … oh yeah .. honestly .. i expecting the first prize if i really working hard on it .. i give my best .. if it is not up to tat level .. it means thr is still a distance yet to be improved

but don’t worry … i’m enjoying my life … i’m having fun … i prepare early n do it with my best performance .. juz a thing to share with u … when ppl r scratching their head on studying during the study week for examination … guess wat am i doing … i’m watching movie or playing flash game during that moment … of course still study for it … y ?? simple .. i prepare that earlier .. don’t blame … i juz go for exam n score for it .. i’m not being proud now .. the point is .. manage ur time well .. work when u suppose to work .. play when u suppose to play … i’m not a genius .. haha ..

i have my decision now … i will keep my resposibility until i think i can’t really do it anymore … hehe … honestly again … i’m glad to socialize with different type of ppl .. they really broaden my experience on interaction… but i will still put my family at first place …

guess a phrase: you do the job, I’m gonna blow it …. hehehe

my third orientation week as a soar already over … how great was it ?? hehe … explain first by first lo … a long story …

training … i was not really tat in the mode … maybe a bit too slumber or not enjoy enough for my holiday … but still manage to overcome it lo …. honestly i’m juz satisfied for my own performance .. hehe

this time orientation is really very special … hope we can get famous for this … i promise u tat curtin orientation week is abt fun … n very different from the others … we hv our unique culture here … photographers r hired to take pics throughout the week … hehe .. perhaps u can see me in one of the curtin brochure … haha … plus .. all the v.i.p r actually attending the first day of orientation … how great was tat … flash light everywhere … i will become a "more" superstar ??? huhuhu …. but didn’t read the newspaper ler … so bad … do let me know .. if u see my pics on the paper … hehe

my task for this time is a bit though la … one of detective game planner … haizzz .. i expect u hv a basic knowledge on how this game goes … we divide this to two part … first .. evidence hunt … second suspect interview .. since i’m fresh on this .. is a bit rush for the planning .. haha .. the game need a lot of discuss in order to make the murder scene as logic as possible … but still .. thr is a weakness  … haiz … hope the students won’t mind abt it … overall .. we received good feed back … i wish to assist for this game in the future actually … juz to make it more perfect .. sorry for my partner actually … he is the one who finish up the laz mins job … haha .. tat’s a funny inside story for me … advice here .. avoid laz mins job nx time … hehe

then … i happy with my group lo .. i enjoy observing their performance … emem … heheh .. abt the biggest night … it would be the university life party !! .. haha .. i eventually request to do the ending for the night .. this is a wild idea that comes out from my mind …i wan to make everyone feel high for tat … em .. hard to explain here also … maybe juz a simple group cheer is enough to make everyone feel the spirit of curtin students eh .. hehe …  8 different cheers from 8 different group … n finally our curtin clap moment !!! … the loudest curtin clap .. !!! .. oh yeah … thx for my friends comment tat as the best ending for the orientation .. hahhaa … damn happy for tat momment … because we r Curtin Volunteers!!!!

guess wat … some of u might not be happy to hear this .. but i god damn happy abt it … hahahahahhahaha …. ladies n gentlemen …. i finally achieve my main objective in curtin …. what is it ?? if u guys still rmb … …..

a scholarship .. oh yeah .. n i got it for 100% .. save RM 21′600 … wakakakkaka … how i feel ?? seriously .. of course happy la .. hahaha … i really lucky to get it … it is not easy ler … my nx target ?? a shell scholarship .. or shell top student award … wowow .. i really dare to dream now … since this scholarship i got is only for first yr degree … hehehe ..

work harder la … don’t give up … emmm … degree will be a lot of fun for me .. hehe .. my chemical engineering degree …

em .. miri ?? back to miri can said is a wonderful start for me … hehe .. my second present is a nice soar advisor t-shirt .. with my name on it .. wow .. new students n my friends will be jealous for this .. haha .. soar really powerful ?? haha .. don’t know la .. help new student is our job .. n i’m really passionate in doing this … maybe to satisfy myself … by helping them … hehe … nice t-shirt .. wan me show off to u ?? haha .. planning to bring it back to sdk … attract ppl .. hope for more sdk ppl … hehhe … lin c my friends also .. haha ..

really a good start for my first yr degree then … hv fun … n congrats

how long already ? haiz .. too busy la with lot of activities .. i even forgot wat activities i involved … juz briefly say some interesting one .. for me .. hehe

b4 i move to the latest one .. i actually volunteer to help out for the event out thr … one of it is … KRP kids carnival … know wat .. i gain money n free kfc lunch from this event .. hahaha … n lot of pain as well .. we actually juz need to take care of the game booths … unluckily .. i got the one for football/ soccer .. i like football .. but .. goalkeeper .. those kids are really trying to kill me… they shot damn hard la … i got pain for both of my hand .. n legs also … haizz … sakit la … nvm la .. kids bah .. i will take my revenge one day .. hehehhe .. but really fun tat day .. i enjoy tat .. my friend even post a video on youtube .. u guys can watch tat .. juz type curtin volunteer kpr kids carnival .. something like tat …

then … Charity of Paint … this one is the spotlight for laz month … curtin volunteer are famous in sarawak ? guess so .. group pics on newspaper .. even ppl in kuching also know abt us .. ok abt this event .. we juz need to paint a mental care hse .. somewhere in miri .. luckily i didn’t waste too much of the paint … we were devided to few groups n then paint different area … the point for this event is … charity help out n appear in newspaper … hahaha .. ppls around r talking abt us .. feel like superstar .. yeah !!!!

CV! camp … actually not really tat fun for me … em one of the workshop was quite nice … the speaker spent us 2 ice-cream for each .. then sweets … she even call someone to send us bbq lamb for supper at night … since tat moment .. i like this woman .. she is happy despite she been through the worst situation … haha .. i never get any free foods from a workshop speaker … another workshop again … public speaking .. i volunteer myself to speak again .. in front of my friends … ya .. now i can stand in front n speak .. which is not really tat nervous as b4 .. i enjoy speak in front of ppl .. i treat them as my friends instead of looking them as stones .. haha .. i care abt thr expression n tat’t the reason to make eye contact .. respect ur audience n make sure they understand wat r u talking abt.. i proud to say tat .. i can talk in front of 300+ ppl …in curtin actually .. hehe

still have a lot ler … nvm la .. hv a break first .. how abt my studies ler ?? nvm … i still aim to become top students .. heheh … juz keeping busy … maths is still my best … science … i really love these subjects now … interesting .. n good lecturer as well .. hehe

guess wat … this juz happen yesterday .. friday … 2nd of may 2008 … is my special day … i hv a band performance for the foundation graduation ceremony .. band man .. band .. i can play bass guitar .. anyone out thr believe it ? hahaha … my friend taught me de … i still plan to perform nx time .. hehe … i really become a superstar in curtin la .. i assuming tat lor … most of my friends felt surprise to see me playing a bass guitar in front of the crowd .. even the lecturer also said .. "wah !! kah wai .. i never realize u can play guitar eh " .. how great was tat .. man .. feel good

same day again at night … guess wat again .. man .. dance battle .. i join tat competition … traditional dance again .. hahah .. my group practice tat for lot of times … n having fun at the same time also .. i really did a miracle moment in my life .. i need to prepare band n dance for juz only 2 weeks … how great am i … ok .. during our turn for the competition .. i got up the stage .. i feel very n damnnnn nervous … but my supporters again .. thx for my CV! friends .. u guys really motivate me a lot … i gain back my confidence again .. half of the crowd is my friends .. so tat i did all my best for the dance … n the results is .. 2nd runner up … means .. number 3 la .. first time i won a third prize in dance competition.. thx a lot for my traditional dance group leader as well for giving me this chance and all the other members … i earn my highlight again … wow .. wow .. wow … i’m really getting famous now .. in curtin .. hahaha …. a lot of friends here … i came alone .. but now i’ll never walk alone … really very happy .. even until now ..

still more upcoming events … i really getting hyperactive now … badminton competition .. i wan to join !!!! btw .. i ‘m joining SOAR again .. hope they will accept me … i will avoid looking at girls frequently .. sorry everyone .. i will respect ppl when i listen to them .. haizzz …. n .. study smart .. i wan to become top ….. hahahaha … sorry guys .. really busy since i arrived miri … most of the weekend i hv activities …

really .. very tiring for laz 2 weeks … haha .. finally complete my first task as a soar .. still a pre-u o-week coming … hope everything will be better la … my comment for this … how la ? i’m happy to join this family n i will keep active as a SOAR as long as i’m in curtin …

then .. this experience also taught me tat … wat i learn from the training week is totally different when everything i hv to settle on the spot .. at the same time .. i also get to know new friends .. gals especially … haha … n hv lot of fun .. yeah !!

wat hv i learn actually ?? .. here is the list ..
1. guide new students (most importantly)
2. "become a driving instructor instead of a driver"
3. support n work together with my group( the so called family .. hehe)
4. become a motivator ? .. yaya
5. handle speech … mc ?? master of ceremony ..
6. oh .. b4 i forget .. i intro myself to the dean .. shook hand also .. hehe .. so proud
7. be confident as a senior …
8. rounding dance during rounding session … haha .. damn fun n suffering( kena diao again)

stay positive .. still a long way to go … really happy to feel after a little success during o-week.. oh ya … abt friday nite help out for the curtin financial talk .. i volunteer for tat job .. n wat is the result … free dinner .. haha … eat in the hotel restaurant …i really want to shout tat i love curtin .. oh yeah .. for free dinner only … hehe … curtin o-week is much meaningful .. trust me … em .. need to work hard lo .. sch days comin’ ..

during o-week .. i really shock to see 50% sabahan thr … n many sandakan ppl enrolled this sem … degree la … so surprise … during my time .. juz me only sandakan .. aiya … but nvm .. hope more ppl to come curtin ler …

my grandma bought me a new mobile phone .. ?? hehe .. sony i guess according to my mum .. but wat i wan is a laptop .. still hunting la .. i prefer sony vaio … since they selling it in a cheap bargain … hope to get one soon ler …

p/s : SOAR stands for student orientation advisory and registration  .. n really proud tat sandakan ppl meet me as a soar .. perhaps ..maybe la .. the first sandakan soar .. haha